The WWE’s tour of Australia begins tomorrow night in Brisbane and it’s time to answer an important question: which WWE superstars would make good AFL players?
In recent years, we’ve seen a lot of strange code-hopping from Karmichael Hunt to Ben Graham to Barry Hall – he tried boxing, right?
For whatever reason, we have not seen professional wrestlers make the transition to our great game, but maybe this lot should give it some consideration due to their unique skill-sets.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
The ‘Texas Rattlesnake’ probably wouldn’t be the best player in the modern game as he wasn’t the most athletic wrestler of all time, but picture him in the back pocket, filling the role of a Glenn Archer in the late 90s. He’d be cleaning players up for fun and crashing into packs with no regard for himself.
Of course, Austin would probably be unable to take beer from the crowd and drink it mid-game, which might deter him from coming out of retirement.
Player comparison: Glenn Archer
Standing at 208 cm tall and with the athleticism of someone much smaller, The Undertaker could probably transition well to the game in a number of positions, but he is another player that would fit in well in the back pocket. Imagine the Undertaker in the mould of a fellow athlete who probably should have hung the boots up by now, Dustin Fletcher. There may be someone better for the role, but you can’t help but love seeing him out there every single time.
Player comparison: Dustin Fletcher
Forget the fact that Roman Reigns was a professional American footballer before transitioning to pro-wrestling, as well as all the other concrete factors that probably show that Reigns could play any sport he wanted. Let’s look at the fact that Reigns is very good at (Superman) punching things and spearing. These two attributes would make him an excellent defender, leaping into the air and smashing the ball away from his opponents. Danny Frawley would be proud.
Player comparison: Josh Gibson
Honestly, I have no idea if Booker would transition well to the sport. I just want to see him perform a spinaroonie on the MCG – is that too much to ask?
Player comparison: Jason Akermanis
Edge & Christian
Park this outstanding tag team in the forward pockets and you’ve got yourself the beginnings of a decent forward line. Edge, the ultimate opportunist, would always be front and centre at the packs, looking for any chance to steal the ball and kick a goal. As for Christian, well, I’m sure he’d help too.
Player comparisons: Stephen Milne and Adam Schneider
Daniel Bryan might not be the biggest or most athletic, but he would be the type of player to show a tonne of promise, tease us with glimpses week in, week out and having fans itching to see more. Unfortunately, Bryan would spend more time on your injury list than out on the ground leaving many to wonder what could have been.
His facial hair would see him fit into most modern day AFL clubs, however.
Player comparison: Daniel Menzel
Put Brock Lesnar in the goal square and he’ll probably kick 10 goals a game. If you were his opponent, would you go near him?
No – no you would not.
Player comparison: Barry Hall
Seth Rollins would make an excellent starting substitute. Just off the rookie list, Rollins would already be declaring himself the undisputed future of your side. Starting him in the green vest would be the way to go as he excels at sneaking on at the last minute and stealing the spotlight.
Player comparison: That player you don’t like
As one of the more mobile big men in WWE history, the ‘Big Red Machine’ would be more than handy at centre half forward: after all, he has the ability to drop his arms aggressively and cause fire to explode out of the top of the goal posts.
Player comparison: Jonathan Brown
John Cena is that player that divides the fan base. Half the crowd love him, he’s one of the greatest of all time and his record speaks for itself. Meanwhile the other half despise him, wondering why he’s still around, saying he should have either retired years ago or at least moved out of the midfield to let someone younger get a chance.
Whether you love him or hate him, you’re probably stuck with him for a while because the decision makers at the club love him to death.
Comparison: James Hird
Then, when you’ve got the likes of Ric Flair in the back pocket (given their reputation as the dirtiest players in the game), Randy Orton sneaking forward off a wing from out of nowhere and The Great Khali in the ruck, you’ve got quite the best 22.
FB: The Undertaker, Batista, Ric Flair
HB: Shawn Michaels, Roman Reigns, Stone Cold
C: Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Kofi Kingston
HF: Triple H, Kane, Dean Ambrose
FF: Christian, Brock Lesnar, Edge
Foll: The Great Khali, The Rock, John Cena
Int: Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Daniel Bryan
Sub: Seth Rollins
The WWE tour of Australia starts in Brisbane on Thursday, moves to Melbourne on Saturday before finishing up in Sydney on Sunday.